The Objective

Sometimes I feel bad saying that a movie is bad. The effort, money and general willpower it takes to get an actor in front of a rolling camera is simply ridiculous, only too often do we forget the plethora of people behind every scene, making the people on screen look right, making what comes out of their mouths sound right, making them stand in the right place in the world. Moreover, that is just the tip of the iceberg, there is craft services feeding everyone, drivers, pilots, horse wranglers…if the movie has horses, all of these people need to be in exactly the right place at the right time to make films work. What is a shame is that sometimes all that work, all that organisation, all that money goes into something which is let down by giant triangles. The bad dialogue could be forgiven, the creaky plot which is little more than a group of guys wandering around a little bit could be forgiven, even the just tongue bitingly awful voice over saying blindingly obvious things could be forgiven were they not all punctuated with massive see through triangles. Who the hell wants to watch a movie where the ostensibly scary and horrifying radioactive alien/ghost/whatever presence is entirely signalled by giant triangles? Triangles are not scary, even when they are accompanied by stereotypical Afghan ghost music. You know the type, all guys singing about stuff that is probably absolutely nothing to do with giant triangles, like what they had for breakfast this morning or whatever, but just because we can’t understand them it’s supposed to be scary. Sometimes, just sometimes, when I watch movies like this, I don’t feel so bad saying they are bad at all. Stupid triangles.

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