Expendables III : Singspendables

Sometimes (pretty often in fact) you go to the midnight showing of the new Expendables movie and then spend the rest of your fretful night wondering how many of the stars of your favourite, completely silly action franchise could be in a band together – for reasons that will only make sense if you see the movie, and even then motivation behind this silliness is rather tenuous. This lot can kill, but can they sing? Project : Singspendables.

Ex-Expendables (Ex-pendables?), new recruits etc. are included to give the best possible talent range …or something…

Sylvester Stallone:

If you have never seen classic 80s movie Rhinestone go watch it right now, or just watch this video, it’s probably the best part and sort of makes me wish Stallone sung in all his movies. Stay out of my bedroom Ok, just stay out.

Arnie:
Twins, an Arnie classic. This is actually how Arnie showers. Seriously.

Dolph Lundgren
This actually happened, you might be tempted to just watch half, but hang around, and it gets amazing after two minutes. To be honest most musical performances could be improved in this way…

Terry Crews
Terry proves that he has it even off the cuff … ish.

Wesley Snipes
Proving he is cool in any situation, the first Expendable on the list with tune you might play without irony.

Jet Li
This is the second passable tune on the list, I mean, clearly this is group effort and I have no idea what it is about, none the less I will be playing this often because it makes me want to do martial arts in my kitchen.

Randy Couture
That’s enough of the actually vaguely good singing for a moment. I am not sure Randys singing career is off to a great start, he looks like he is mildly confused.

Chuck Norris
Lazy Chuck, lazy, this is pretty much just talking. I mean, better work than Randy, but still. Don’t tell Chuck I said that, we all know what he can do.

Liam Hemsworth
Look, here is Liam pretending he can’t sing. I have read the original script though and it called for “Rousing duet” – had to be altered mid shoot because of this…apparently.

Bruce Willis
Fans of the Willis will know he has a band and has released a couple of albums. What I like about this video is how it makes him look like an angry Mr Potato Head.

Kelsey Grammer
I am not sure if Grammer is technically an expendable, but he makes the list because this performance from his previous life, before he got into the shady world of mercenary supplies, is pretty fun.

Ronda Rousey
No real way to verify that this is really Ronda, but we’ll just assume. Bad song choice, but the performance gets a 8/10. Proving that even movie stars sing in the car.

Antonio Banderas
I did not see this coming when I started project Singspendables. What a hero.

Mel Gibson
You didn’t know this right?

Harrison Ford
EXACTLY how you expected Harrison Ford to sing. Mumblemumblemumblemumble.

I am afraid, there were a few Expendables who just don’t seem to be singers, at least in the world of youtube. These honourable mentions will never make it into the Singspendables band, but they have some other skills that might mean they can at least come on tour:

Mickey Rourke
Mickey is definitely in because he can play the organ whilst deflecting questions from an annoying blind women. Such great acting.

Jason Statham
A shame that Expendables stalwart Statham can’t be in the band, but he can do the spoken word track on the b side at least.

Victor Ortiz
Backing dancer. That is all.

Yu Nan
And the bouncer. I mean, singspendables gigs can get pretty out of hand.

Kellan Lutz
Hmmm, not sure what to make of this. Some kind of bad groupie decision I think. Letting the side down Lutz, singspendables will never tour with her.

Glen Powell
Glen looks different here…oh…

So there it is – the band line-up. Some better than expected, some lacklustre performances, and the musical direction of the band is going to be a bone of contention, I have a feeling Snipes and Lundgrens styles are incompatible. Either way, let’s hope that Expendables four features a rendition of Stay Out of my Bedroom.

Big thanks to all the original video uploaders/content owners.

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