Mean Girls

When it comes to getting themselves off women have it easy in the cleaning up stakes. For guys the issue is twofold – first there is the guilt, the physical evidence of the act, man cannot simply relax in a state of post-climatic bliss, but must mount a small scale c.s.i style cleanup operation, complete with rubber gloves. O.k no rubber gloves. What I am more concerned with here though is the preparation requirements. There simply is no way I am ever going to put a box of tissues beside my bed. Tissue boxes are just ugly, or for some reason obtusely female orientated in their design, as if men do not blow their noses – and post wank clean up with a flowery tissue seems simply absurd. Of course there is the “man size” option, but one cannot justify giving over about half a square foot of my hard won space to a tissue box who’s only asthetic aim appears to be to convey bigness, which is for some reason associated with man-ness. Would it not be simpler to just make wank tissues, they could be sold with much the same “super absorbant” pitch as kitchen roll. Anyway, for a guy some alone time requires preparation. This is not good because in my experience pretty much anything can get a guy going (being a guy I have done some extensive research). For instance only yesterday I was watching a documentary about the ancient Greeks, the merest mention of the words “sexually liberated” and any red blooded male begins to refactor the words into his own wank worthy fantasy. But no, no tissues next to the bed, too lazy to get up, if only I was a woman. What does it all have to do with Mean Girls? Well its a bit like tissues, everyone loves mean girls, yet for some inexplicable reason it is perceived as a girls film. I am arguing that like a flowery box of tissues, Mean Girls is something I would never allow into my personal space – telling people I owned Mean Girls be like writing “wank towels” across my mansized tissue box. I should be able to do both these things. Should we all just stop associating gender with our choices, of tissues, films or anything else at all? A tissue is a tissue, a film I like is a film I like, a wank is a wank – unless you are a girl, then its a lot tidier.


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