Gone

Names for fictional woodland parks-

Greenacre ridge park
Oak tree canyon park
Ancient bark woodland park
Tall pine forest park
Creepy murderhole park

Why is this relevant? Because the best the makers of Gone could come up with for their creepy wood was “forest park” I mean what the fuck man, that’s the laziest bit of film naming ever, even my last option is better than that, I especially like the expectation it sets up “murderhole!” No normal people are going into that wood! This is the problem with Gone, its so formulaic that you might as well just make up much more interesting plots yourself, it tries desperately hard to create a nice big cast of potential nutjob serial killers, and all you end up doing is thinking, I really don’t care which one of you did it, you are all so one dimensional the only way this could get interesting is if you all ended up down the murderhole together and had to choose who gets eaten first in order to survive. If the film had a bit more scare in it, it might have legs in terms of something you`d watch on a stormy night for some frights, but this has a car chase instead, then godzilla appears and crushes the city, leaving the inhabitants with no choice but to run for the safety of creepy murderhole park, where they fall into the hole and have to make some terrible choices to survive! Ok that doesn’t happen, but honestly, making up new parts of this film is the only way to make it anything more than the most formulaic moments of all the horror films you have ever seen.

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