Nude Nuns With Big Guns

So you find yourself watching a film with this title with some friends. Now, films like this make you an implicit promise, that they are going to be so insanely stupid, so sexist, so frankly disgusting, that they actually surpass the need to say precisely those things because we can all accept that as human beings all that they depict is wrong, no one is ever going to argue that Nude Nuns with Big Guns influenced them to set up a holy drug cartel in the same way more mainstream films are sometimes accused of influencing wrongdoers, and that’s because they are so fucking ridiculous. And our response to this ridiculousness? We laugh (well I at least I do) or or we say “ewww” loud enough that our friends can hear so they know we think its gross too. So generally this sort of exploitation flick can be judged on these two markers, laughter and ewwness. So some bits make you laugh, like the brilliant names of the strip joints where 90% of the action takes place (titty slappers anyone) or the fact that all the bad guys have their names sewn into their jackets, these names are things like “kick stand”. The eww factor is also provided for as (spoilers) the lead bad guy gets his cock shot off at the end, which i hasten to add is also hilarious. I say that’s a spoiler, but the second you realise just how far this film ventures into rape-revenge territory (I.E – enters the territory, sets up a camp and stays the night) this is pretty much the inevitable fate of said bad guys cock. I`d say its worth watching for this alone but the fact of the matter is you have to get through way too much other stuff before you get to this bit of ewww enducing comedy revenge. This film fails because it can only think of one reason to shoot a bad guys cock off and have him hold it up in a comedy way, and whilst I would have been perfectly happy with a Nun with a machine gun we in fact spend far too much time watching the wrong people suffer.

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